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Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Alone In The Dark film review

Boring, forgettable, poorly made and just a very poor adaptation of the video games. This movie aims to please no one.

Alone in the dark, is the 2005 action/horror film based on the ‘Alone in the dark’ video game series.
This film is directed by Uwe Boll, someone who is known as one of the worst directors of all time, along with Ed Wood.

The film plot (as identified by the 5 minute opening text that was added when the test audience complained about the films stupid and confusing narrative) is about an ancient race called the Abkani, and how they opened a path to a dark world which allowed a bunch of monsters into our world.

The film starts with paranormal investigator Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) returning home after finding an Abkani object. While on his way home he is attacked by an unknown man who appears to be after Edward’s artefact. After a boring and unimaginative fight scene Edward dispatches of the mysterious attacker who appeared to be able to survive multiple gunshots for unknown reason at this point in time.
Edward is then involved in a plot involving the Abkani, monsters, a mad scientist, and his childhood in an orphanage which was home to many experiments on the children there, and to be honest this is where the movie really suffers, its story,

It’s convoluted , hard to follow and down right stupid, to the point where the mindless action seems to be more of a story than the films narrative itself.
It gets to the point where the plot is so poorly written that the audience is literally ‘alone in the dark’.
The performances are terrible, especially Tara Reid as Edward’s explorer friend Aline Cedric, who does not seem to try at all. Another interesting thing about her character is that she is supposed to be a smart and scientific character. Director Uwe Boll’s way of making the audience believe this is by making her wear a pair of glasses, and as we all know anyone who wears glasses has to be smart and brainy right ?
Tara Reid already has no credibility in being this supposedly smart character so the glasses certainly are a waste of a prop, and time
Another problem is the action. It’s just a mess of gunfire and explosions with the occasional rock music filling in for most of the scenes audio. As a whole the action is boring, and nothing above average. This film is supposed to be a horror as well but I did not get scared once or even closely to becoming scared. The only dawning horror I felt was watching this awful movie.

It also has no connection whatsoever to the video games it is supposed to be based on.
The only thing left in this adaptation are some of the characters (about 2) from the games themselves. The games were inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, but none of that potential makes its way into this film.

Overall this movie is loud, obnoxious, boring, unentertaining and just down right terrible. Bad acting, bad direction and bad movie action makes this possibly one of the worst films of all time.

This film belongs in a cesspit and not in your DVD collection.
This move has no good points, not one, and leaves you unentertained .
The movie crashes and burns a mere 10 minutes in (5 minutes for narration and another 5 for a lousy car chase).

Do not see ‘Alone in the dark.
Do not buy it.
But if you want to see how bad it is (like I did) you can get some good unintentional laughs out of its awfulness, and that’s about it.

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