Alien VS Predator film review

what do i think about Alien Vs Predator? the 2004 action/sci-fi/horror film directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, well lets start with the premise. The film is based off and around the Alien Vs Predator franchise which consists of comic books, video games, toys, and books. It ,as the name implies, is about the two infamous alien species having a war with each other. Now, this may seem like a dumb idea, which it is, but the comics and other Alien Vs Predator themed things are great, its just the movie that makes me want to quote Hudson from Aliens by saying “game over man, game over“. Ok so whats the story about, the story involves the discovery of a mysterious pyramid hidden blow the artic. This plot point soon involves a team of archaeologists from the Weyland Yutani Corporation(oh dear the references to the previous films in the franchise have begun, barf bags at the ready people) who go to take a look inside the pyramid. Unknown to them though is that the pyramid belongs to the predators(or the Yujuta if you want to be a nerd about it like me)who use the pyramid has a breeding ground for their prey the aliens(xenomorphs). Alright then simple enough but theirs one problem……………..
IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a huge alien/predator fan so I feel it is my job to inform you that the amazing plot points in this film are complete bull.

Amazing plot point number 1
Predators built pyramids
(really? Did they invent the light bulb as well? How about the modern car do I thank them for that too?)

Amazing plot point number 2
Predators helped humans in the past
(oh yes of course they hunted the humans and then skinned them as a way of showing friendship they even sometimes RIPPED THEIR SPINE OUT!!! In order to build a trusting business partnership, yeah that seems about right to us predator fans doesn’t it)

Amazing plot point number 3
There are hieroglyphics depicting the species as being at war on earth for centuries
(yes hello Mr Scott hi sorry to bother you but I just called to inform you that aliens have been on earth for centuries, so you know that near enough makes the continuity of your movie and the other movies pointless ,oh and spread the word on to Mr Cameron would you please, thanks bye)

Are you seriously telling me that they’ve been here this whole time? Where they hiding out in Jay wick or something while Sigourney Weaver went as far as 3 sequels(with Aliens being one of the only good ones)in order to keep them contained. I understand that the predators have been here all this time but the aliens being here has no way of helping continuity or story structure. Any way lets move on to the characters and oh boy are they an interesting bunch. Ok so we have Alexa our strong heroin and Ellen Ripley replacement for the film, we have Sebastian a archaeologist who acts as a hieroglyphics translater, and Charles Bishop Weyland the billionaire head of Weyland industries who starts the team in order too……….wait a minute this guy seems familiar oh yes of course this is supposedly the role model for the Bishop android that is featured in Aliens, and he even looks like the android because the android was designed to look like him. They even got Lance Hendrickson to reprise the role, wow mr Paul W.S. Anderson you sure do know fan service even if it is completely pointless and redundant.

 Moving on, there are more boring cardboard cutout characters but we don’t need to know about them because they are killed off pretty quick (hooray). Lets talk about the action, its mediocre at best, its not terrible but it not exactly great or interesting its just a load of flashy effects and bad editing, but at least its not as dull or in your face as Alone In The Dark, speaking of the dark the lighting in this film is terrible you can barely see anything and perhaps that’s a good thing, I understand that darkness adds atmosphere but at least let me see what’s going on most of the time even if it does suck.
Actually now that I think of it the premise and the characters don’t come together too great , its actually quite funny, I mean the teaser trailer could have gone like this
ALIEN VS PREDATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT HAS LASERS, MONSTERS ,ALIENS,SPECIAL EFFECTS, MIND BLOWING FANTASY AND A GROUP OF PLUCKY AND HEROIC ARCHAEOLOGISTS WHO VENTURE INTO A PYRAMID WITH A DYING OLD MAN IN SEARCH OF THE PLOT AND IN ORDER TO MAKE REFERENCE TO THE PREVIOUSE MOVIES
ITS TOO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could write a better story than that, in fact I think most people could.

Ok lets talk about the writing I will summarise it in two ways, crap ,and full of references to the previous movies in the franchise. These references include lines from the other films such as, ok everyone all together now “YOUR ONE UGLY MOTHER FU…………..” and then the line gets cut off in order to achieve a PG13 rating, oh the wonders of censorship, because that’s what the true fans want to see, a toned down and clean cut Alien/predator movie.

Well overall, wow what a dull mess, its bad but not Alone In The bad or even Street Fighter bad. it’s a good B movie I guess but I call it a S movie(can you guess what the S means). Well anyways some of the references are a nice touch and remind us of how great the other movies are compared to this. I don’t recommend it but if you are a Alien/Predator fan it might be worth a rent since you might get something out of it, or if you don’t mind B movie material like this and enjoy those types of films then you are the audience this film aims to please. I mean as much as I hate this movie it does have some strong points, the special effects are great, especially the animatronics used for the Aliens it gives that classic Stan Winston and 80 film effects feel that is much more interesting than cgi. Also the set design is not too bad and the ending with the queen alien is much better than the combat throughout the rest of the movie even if it is short.

This review is entirely my opinion and a lot of people will like this movie. I don’t like it due to its inconsistencies with the franchise and its lack of decent thrills but this movie does have an audience of people who will like it for what it is, a mindless crossover movie with a simple beginning, a simple middle, and a simple end, the reasons I don’t like this movie is because I am someone who likes their movies to have depth and a inspired production as well as respect for the franchise its making money off of. But if you enjoy mindless plot points, mindless action, and mindless ideas, this film is for you.